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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27863181">Fallowed Hearts</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Something_Inconspicuous/pseuds/Something_Inconspicuous'>Something_Inconspicuous</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stardew Valley (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Depression, Don't try this at home kids, F/M, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, this may or may not end well</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 23:48:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,760</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27863181</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Something_Inconspicuous/pseuds/Something_Inconspicuous</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After two months in Pelican Town, Gina is relapsing. Life is a struggle again. And despite her deep-seated loneliness, she withdraws from everyone in town to spend her days alone on the farm. There's one man who knows what she's going through, though he's the one she wants to avoid the most. Two depressed people have nothing to offer one another. In fact, being in the company of another negative person would probably do them both more harm than good. Still, the allure of confiding in someone who understands her is hard to resist.</p><p>When an especially interesting couple moves to town and Shane starts spending more and more time with them, Gina has to face a new struggle: Jealousy. What comes from a cluster of negative emotion and desperation for human companionship? Probably nothing good.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Shane/Female Player (Stardew Valley)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Fallowed Hearts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Welcome to Fallowed Hearts. Thank you so much for giving this a click. This story is based on my own experiences with depression as well as my own friendship. I want to include a disclaimer: I do not condone some of the behavior you will see from the main character, Gina. </p><p>If you don't feel like being sad, you probs shouldn't read this.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Gina’s eyes opened at 9 am. The blinding light of the already passing day taunted her from the window. She did her best to ignore it, but despite her best efforts, she was awake. Disoriented and groggy, she eventually pulled herself out of bed to seek salvation: a cup of coffee with a teaspoon of sugar.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The farmer took her drink to the window and stared outside. Her modest-sized cornfield was overgrown with weeds and half of the yield had been picked away by crows, deer, and raccoons. The small pumpkin patch was a decent success, but she never got around to planting a second crop after the first harvest earlier in the Fall.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How did it get like this? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Asked the little voice inside her. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This was supposed to be my turning point. But I’m still a big POS.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With a sigh, she finished her coffee and suited up. With overalls, muddied work boots, and her hair in a bun, she was ready to take on the day. Or at least get through it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As she slowly went about her daily chores, her mind wandered to the past. Only a month ago, she was consistently waking at 6 am and working hard the whole day to bring the farm to life.  She had felt confident, strong, like her life was finally in her own hands and she was on her way to the greatest success she’d ever known.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then, as with many times before, she lost her grip and fell. Here she was today, a near failure again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After carefully placing a single dozen eggs in the shipment bin, Gina decided she’d done enough for the day. She was amazed at how tired she was already; as if finishing the bare minimum had taken everything out of her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She checked her watch. 5 pm. Plenty of time left to go fishing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fishing seemed to get her through the worst of times. No matter how bad she felt, she was always up for going out on the boat (she’d bought it with her first real profit earned in the Spring--one of the first mistakes she made after moving to Stardew Valley). She put on a canvas coat, her sailor’s hat and sunglasses and lugged a 12-pack of Crud Light out of the house along with her fishing gear. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She took the long way to the beach in an effort to avoid running into anyone. People always asked her how she was doing and she didn’t have the energy to insist she was fine. This meant she was going through Cindersap Forest. And Yoba be damned, she ran into the last person she expected to see.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane walked past her on the dirt path, toting along his own 12-pack of beer. They shared no words, not even a look. She peeked back to see him pass Marnie’s place. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Where is he headed?</span>
  </em>
  <span> she wondered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Since moving to Pelican Town, Gina avoided Shane except to buy him a beer on his birthday and drop off a bundle of hot peppers in the Summer. She knew she had problems and she guessed he did, too. It was hard to resist the allure of trying to befriend him--confiding in someone who might understand what she was going through was tempting. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But misery loves company, and two miserable people had nothing to offer each other except more trouble. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So she watched him walk off with curiosity, but had no interest in getting involved. She continued on her own journey.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gina finally reached the tepid waters of the ocean. She waved at Willy as she made her way to her boat. She liked Willy, even fished with him from time to time. He was a simple enough friend to keep. He never asked any questions. But today, she needed to be alone. So after doing her checks and readying her vessel for operation, she loaded it up and went out to sea. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sun was setting low when she set anchor and cracked open her first can. She sat and watched the bobber bounce with the waves. As her mind quieted, she could hear the tiny voice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Poor grandpa. He must be so disappointed in me. After everything he’s done for me, this is how I repay him.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She huffed, shaking her head in an attempt to clear it. She downed her first beer and started quickly on the second. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Grandpa was a hard worker. He’d be disgusted by how little effort I’ve put into the farm.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her jaw tightened as she let the second can fall to the boat floor and reached for a third.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m worthless! He should never have given me the deed to the farm, I don’t deserve it!</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The fishing line went taut as the bobber sunk below the water. She pulled the fish in and immediately let it go despite having prepared a cooler to take her catches home. She didn’t recast, only wrapped up the pole to set aside as she sat on the boat floor, staring at the stars while she drank. With noticeable effort, she took ten-second breaths and held back impending tears.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The voice became quieter and less intelligible with every beer she finished. When she finally hit the point of relative peace, she crawled off the floor and manned the boat. Miraculously, she made it to port without incident. The beach was enveloped in darkness. Willy was gone. She did her best to tie up the boat before taking what was left of her case up the sandy shore. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tears fell down her cheeks as a realization made it past her drunken thoughts: She no longer enjoyed fishing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Again she went through the Cindersap Forest, and again something caught her off guard. She saw a light ahead, distant, warm and beckoning. Mindlessly, she found her way to it. Gina slowly became aware of chirping insects and leaves crunching beneath her boots. She was at the lake, where fireflies danced over silent waters. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She dropped her belongings off at the bank before heading down the dock to where the source of the warm light sat. It was a lantern. And there was Shane, sitting next to it. He didn’t look to see who was coming--as though he didn’t care if they were friend or foe. It reminded her of times in Zuzu City when she didn’t check for cars before crossing the street.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re up late,” he said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She took a moment to reply. It was the first thing he’d said to her beyond “leave me alone”.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah...,” she said halfheartedly, taking a seat beside him. “So are you”.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Silence followed. She was used to it. Preferred it, even, on that particular night. She watched the stars float on. The serenity of the valley entered her heart for a split second before it was quickly overshadowed by guilt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This is so beautiful. What right do I have to be sad when I live in a place like this? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The thought was interrupted as an ice-cold can hit her lap. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Here, have a cold one,” Shane said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She managed the beginnings of a smile, hiding them behind the can as she took a deep drink. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Buh...Life,” he continued. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her smile faded. She nodded at the sentiment quietly. He could have stopped there and she’d have known how he felt. But he elaborated.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You ever feel like...no matter what you do, you’re gonna fail?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her mind went back to thoughts of that morning, and the many mornings preceding it. To failed attempts at achieving higher education, at getting decent jobs, at maintaining relationships and health and happiness. But she knew these kinds of questions weren’t actually meant to be answered. She was just supposed to listen, so again she nodded quietly and let him continue.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...Like you’re stuck in some miserable abyss and you can’t even see the light of day?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She looked down at her beer, then peeked back at the half-finished 12-pack near her fishing pole, and nodded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just feel like, no matter how hard I try, I’m not strong enough to climb out of that hole,” he finished.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Finally, she spoke up. The conversation felt all too familiar, more like a story they had rehearsed to tell together.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, how did you get in there in the first place? It’s not your fault you ended up in the abyss, you just...woke up in there one day, right?” she looked to him, checking for confirmation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He nodded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But uh...you’re still there, I guess. But--no one can be expected to crawl out of something like that on their own. You need--someone to come along and help you, throw down a rope for you to climb,” she pauses as she thinks on whether that makes any sense or not. “And if no one comes along, well…shoot. I dunno”.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They sat in silence as the unsatisfactory advice hung in the air. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You idiot. He didn’t ask for your input, that was no help at all. It was hardly a coherent thought. You should just keep your mouth shut in situations like this. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“S...sorry…” she stammered before downing the rest of her drink, “I’m no good at...things like this. I uh--feel the same way a lot of times and...I certainly haven’t figured any of it out yet…I’m kinda pulling things out of nowhere”.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She looked at the case of beer, cueing him for another. She finished it off in one go, letting out a hiss as the carbonation escaped her stomach.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His lips quirked to form a brief smile. “Fast drinker, eh? Woman after my own heart.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They didn’t have much of a conversation about their feelings. She was used to things going that way. Opening up to someone had two possible outcomes: an airing of grievances in which no one really listened to the other, only took turns complaining about their problems, or a fruitless attempt at offering advice or consolation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just don’t make it a habit,” he continued, “You still got a future ahead of you”.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She snorted. “What are you talking about?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know you haven’t been doing so well lately. But you still own the farm. You still have an opportunity to turn things around,” he said. Before she could reply, he took his lantern and the empty case of beer to head back up the dock. “My liver’s beggin’ me to quit. I’m calling it a night,” he announced.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She nodded. It was time she headed back home, too.</span>
</p>
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